I GOT MY GROOVE BACK

“You’re too hairy for a girl” they’d say

That was my reality for most of my life

From acquaintances to friends and even family, everyone had their own little way of making a contribution to my insecurity about my hair, be it a plain statement or a subliminal message

Also I’ve never been bald

Well, I’ve cut my hair and looked like a hairy potato because my rosy cheeks will not let me be but no, never been bald

To be honest, for the very first time, something had me wishing… begging, for mediocrity

I wanted to be average

I didn’t want to be too hairy or bald

Just to be able to rock shorts and not feel insecure about how masculine my legs looked with all that hair was enough for me

Or wear bikinis and not feel like Hairy Hannah forgot to dress up for school

I wanted to feel like a regular girl so badly

Then I shaved it all off: every singe strand of hair on my body.

*WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE* !

I was cold everyday, cut myself at some parts and apparently God gave me hair to conceal my toothpick looking ass legs

I’d never been so happy to see my hair grow back

Because then it became obvious that all those who used to laugh and throw shade at me for looking “masculine” low key wanted some sort of body hair


It wasn’t until 2 years ago that I actually fell in love with my body

At least that part of it

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon and I had not planned on swimming

I have no idea how

All your girl wanted to do was relax while she sunbathed and watched her friends have fun

Eventually I found myself in the pool but the getting in wasn’t as significant to me as the getting out

I won’t lie

I fell in love with me there…hard

Right there on the edge of the pool where I was looking at my thick thighs the way I look at Kareena cakes

Beads of water lay on my body like they could be nowhere else

My black twist yarn braids were heavy from all the water they had soaked up from the pool

That made my neck hurt

I held my chin up in the middle of my left palm and twisted it from side to side

Drops of water came running down as though they’d been summoned by my bare back betrayed by the exposure of the one piece swimsuit that had a cut so deep that only my ass felt safe in its embrace

Not confused by the fact that the water felt cold all of a sudden but by the fact that it was cold enough to give me goosebumps, I looked down my arms for verification

It was as though my hair strands were a million babies that had been put to bed by the soothing lullabies of the water in the pool and it was weird but in the moment, as I observed how almost overwhelmingly heavenly they lay down in peace, I wondered how anyone could not fall in love with this

Of course there have been people, sometimes guys who simply had hairy girl fetishes, tell me how much they loved the fact that I was hairy but like a pretty girl obvilious to her own beauty, that was my moment of realization 

It might not have been love at first sight but I’m glad that at least, it was finally true self love

Advertisements

14 Comments

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s