I was born giving way too many fucks
I’ve always been a little over the top about everything
I’d cry (more like wail) because I wanted a third piece of candy
I could frown for hours just because I wasn’t allowed to do something
I would lie on the floor and scream because just because I wanted someone’s attention
And I grew up with that attitude because it never seemed like a big deal to anyone
To be honest, it was kind of normalized
So I’d spew an extemporaneous rant of a speech every time I was mad
Now I just look back and laugh about it
And I guess that’s all part of growing up
Being the emotional person that I am, I used to react to almost everything
Especially the ones that didn’t matter
Today, I’m more likely to roll my eyes and pass on things I used to give such a fuck about
One thing I have learnt about giving way too much of a fuck is that it gives you this sense of entitlement, which to me is a very twisted form of narcissism
You begin to feel like other people just don’t get it
You’re the only one who gets it enough to react to it this way
The only person it affects
The only girl that…
The only guy who…
You begin to see yourself as special
And you are
Just not because of this
The world is constantly telling you that “more” is the key to success
“You have your dream job but you need to make more money”
“You literally look like Teyana Taylor but you need to go to the gym more than you already do”
Be smarter
Be the best
Be better than the rest
But fame and fortune don’t necessarily make you a better human being so why do we give such a fuck about it?
I realized that this life is temporary anyway so it kind of makes it easier to not give a fuck about certain things

Not giving a fuck is not an easy attitude to have. It just looks like it is
If you lack self-discipline (like I used to) it will be more difficult for you
Because it took me a long time to realize that I always gave fucks in situations where fucks did not deserve to be given
The rude hairdresser with poor customer service
My battery running down when I’m not at home
People I didn’t know but constantly talked shit about me, among other things
All the while having exams, bills and my spirituality to think about
But this seemingly nonchalant attitude does not make me indifferent
Not at all
It just makes me comfortable in being different from the person that I used to be
I won’t say I don’t care anymore, but these days it’s more about choosing what to give a fuck about
So I only reserve my fucks to give for the things that really matter
You can try it too
Because, trust me, you know that irrelevant thing that got you so worked up?
No one gives a fuck
At least not the way you do
So relax
Go easy on yourself
Also, learn to give a fuck about more than just adversity
I remember one time my roommate called me fat
I was so devastated that it messed up my whole day and I cried myself to sleep that night
I actually decided to make one statement ruin a perfectly good day and a night that could have gone better
I know I’m probably reaching with this but it literally makes me cringe to think that I used to like wasting my time that much and stressing over shit that I could hardly change, like the mentality of another person
The truth is that I didn’t have much going on in my life to give legitimate fuck about
So I would spend hours thinking about who did what to me when and who likes me and who didn’t and who was a fake friend and who wasn’t
And you know the devil loves an idle mind
By the time I’d realize, I’d have 3 assignments due in 1 hour and a broken relationship that I need to make right
It’s not been easy
I’ve only become a part of half of the person I aspire to be
And I’m glad to know that it was the fucks not given that made all the difference

# A F I A


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